Your pal will give you best-buddy points for pushing back such an important event, your zombie boyfriend won’t know the difference (17 days, 18 days, 1,265 days—it’s all the same to him) and you’ll get the lovely satisfaction of doing the right thing. Opinions varied widely on the necessity and utility of chivalry in the modern world, and there were as many definitions of what it meant to be a as there were gentlemen. Think of it as the end of scurrying over the threshold under the arm of a man who won’t let you open the door for him. The zombpocalypse has been hard on all of us, and we each adapt to this brave new world at our own pace.
Once upon a time—maybe at the very beginning of the plague, maybe a dozen years in—you swore you’d never, ever date a zombie. I was just was as boy crazy as the rest of womankind—that is, crazy enough to think I’d actually meet a boy. Relationships with zombies, even the best of them, are temporary. You won’t even be able to remember when or how you lost them.
You’d have to be dead five days yourself before you’d even consider going to the movies with a decomposing corpse. Roughly 300,000 unzombified human males left on the planet and I’d somehow bump into one in line at the supermarket. Well, now you can: LOVE IN THE TIME OF ZOMBIES, my new tell-all soon to be released from Shebooks, gives all the gritty details of my transformation from zombie hater to zombie lover. Wince as I try to break into a secret government facility! Because that’s what the love bubble does—makes you oblivious to everything but your love. The obvious explanation for this imbalance is anatomical: If your zombie boyfriend were to give you a hand with the door, he might actually give you a hand.
Much to her surprise she stumbles upon a real, live man. While I loved the theme, the storyline was predictable at times.
But for a quick read that’s out of left field I highly recommend it.
But space-age polymers can’t get you to the top of the mountain, and neither can your zombie. If you want your sidewalk to be cleared of snow and safe for people to pass, then you might want to expend a little elbow grease yourself. I know far too well how easy it is to get caught up in the minutia of a new partner: the adorable hesitance with which he nibbles the edge of a cow brain before digging in, the sweet-acrid singe of his skin as he smells a burning candle, the slightly shameful tilt of his head when you catch him trying to eat your cat. Maybe he’ll simply decay into a mound of slushy gray mushiness.
Remember your first time getting on the chairlift or—gasp of humiliation! However, if your goal is to spread as much snow as possible on your neighbor’s walk and passing pedestrians, then your zombie boyfriend is ready, willing and able (yes, able! There are few things zombies love more than moving snow around with a shovel and they can do it with surprising dexterity. A zombie doesn’t so much clear the sidewalk as make an absolute mess of it. And while you’re keeping warm this winter, don’t forget to snuggle up with a dating adventure from my cub reporter days before I became the undead-dating experts you know and love! Tags: advice, fun, relationships, skiing, sledding, snow, winter, zombie dating, zombies Sure, you’re deep in the love bubble with your rottie hottie now, but it hasn’t always been this way. When I started my journalism career as a cub reporter (er, intern) for the the last thing I expected was to one day write the definitive how-to for meeting and dating zombies. The pleasures of a new relationship are many, even with a zombie boyfriend, and it’s easy to close yourself off in your own little love bubble. Although the love bubble feels like a reassuringly warm and lovely cocoon, it’s in fact a treacherous place to be. At that moment, you’ll look around for your friends and they won’t be there.
The Girl’s Guide to Dating Zombies is a fun, quick read that’s so bizarre I have to recommend if only because it’s like no other book I’ve ever read.
She lands the interview of her life with the CEO of the largest zombaceuticals company – and is in for more than she bargained.
This sort of discretion is unnecessary with a zombie.