Some hate it so much that they are outing themselves as nazis and actively recruiting, while other white people tell themselves they are allies until it’s time to believe and support Black people, at which point they eject from the conversation and immerse themselves with other white al-LIES about being punished despite being good to Black people. We legit had to take a break for 20 minutes to realize how damn ridiculous it was.
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In order for me to actually talk with him, I needed to see where his garbage rhetoric was originating.
It was mildly fascinating because so much of it was group speak that would disintegrate as soon as any autonomy, individuality, or discussion about resources and policing was introduced.
Now I have a different perspective on all that shit. There are conflicts on finances, housework, food, paper towels, you name it and at some point, you will fight about it. What I wasn’t prepared for was how isolated I’d find myself when talking about racism in my relationship.
And by isolated, I mean people wouldn’t really talk about it, regardless of how the conversation was initiated.
It was something I got to see first-hand and it irrevocably changed my perspective on white people’s complicity with the status quo.
He wasn’t wrong when he realized that I didn’t like white people because of their acceptance, expectation, and adoration of exploitation, harm, and murder…an adoration they constantly lie to themselves about but we witness throughout history and anytime a gun debate arises.White people ain’t shit when it comes to honest reflection, empathy, and human decency, unless it’s in a way to excuse their own fuckshit, so I knew they could not be a resource for talking about race issues in my relationship. Unless we opt out of direct contact with whiteness at all times, we find ourselves mired in the nuances of dealing with overt, subtle, unchallenged racism and white fragility so delicate that even referring to white people as their chosen self-descriptor will send them into a space of offense so deep that it shuts down all conversation between you…sometimes forever.Black people know what it is to have to manage whiteness.We both had work to do, but his work was in learning and understanding the individual actions and systemic structures that exploit and condemn people to a limitless toxic environment that was always evolving in its oppression.I needed to learn just how much white people not just didn’t give a fuck but enjoyed the power they denied having.So, I said, “fuck it” and decided to figure this shit out myself. Prior to writing, he and I had many conversations about oppression.